journey of life

I know it has been awhile since I have written, but this semester I have been crazy busy with school, work, and friends! I am going to warn you now; this is going to be a long post! I have learned a lot about the gospel and myself. Every semester I learn something new! I think I have said this before, but I feel like my first semester I found out how to live on my own by balancing my time between school and fun. I love cooking, but having to do it EVERY SINGLE DAY is hard! Especially when you don’t want to make something! I had to learn to keep things clean, those shoes that got left somewhere are not going to magically appear in your room!  Same thing if you leave something at home and you need it for class… no one brings it to you! When I went home for winter semester I felt that I really grew spiritually. My testimony grew so much with those short four months at home! I am so grateful for the Relief Society back in my home ward! I know that a lot of help came from those wonderful ladies! I know I grew a lot from my job while being home! I cannot thank enough the amazing people I worked with at Reasor’s! Then my second semester here in wonderful Rexburg, I truly became to know who I am! That sounds self-fish, but it was truly a semester where I needed to discover who I was. Who I want to become and who I want to be known for, a lot of searching and learning went on that semester. I know what I am capable of and I cannot expect less than that from me now; how can I achieve my goals if I lower my standards for a tough time in life or cash in for something right now when the earning are better in the end? Now we come to this semester. This semester has been so interesting for me! It is absolutely nothing like my other semesters! Everything I have learned from the past; from past semesters and just through life, this is the semester where everything has to be mixed together. In other words, this semester has been real life. I have a job that I work everyday except for Mondays and Sundays. I am a full time student taking on 16 credits. I live in an apartment that has to be clean. I have to cook, laundry, and shop! I have church responsibilities. With keeping up on my educational studies, I have to keep up on my spiritual studies. This is the rest of my life, and there is no turning back now! Except someday I’ll be done with school, but I’ll just have a family to take care of! Don’t think I am complaining… I am super excited! In a long about way, this all leads to what I originally wanted to write about on this post. Today I was literally smacked in the face by the Lord and I am so excited to share what I learned with you!

This semester has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am super happy and then slowly I hit the anxiety level which equals no fun! The past couple of days I have been feeling like I do not feel the Spirit in my life as much as I should. I knew I was doing something to keep that from me.  The Savior is not just going to leave me hanging; I am the one keeps him from my life. So last night I was extremely tired and I fell asleep on the couch, but when I woke up I was ready to go back to bed… in my real bed! As I went to bed I started the conflict inside of, should I read my scriptures or just go to bed. I decided I would just recite a scripture in my head, but after I did that I felt like I was cheating the system. I pulled out my scriptures and read a chapter. I then decided I would say a sincere prayer. As I was praying I really wanted to know what I needed to do to be a better person. This is when it hit me! I need to become humble and stop being so prideful! I worry too much about myself and not about others.  After this as I was lying in my bed, it hit me even more. When I am happy and doing well, I slack on my scripture studies and prayers. Then when I hit those anxiety times, I power up on my spiritual juice. I read my scriptures and say my prayers more sincere. By doing this, I become happy and great! But, once again, I stop and I start to slide down that slope. Just like in the scriptures, I get into my pride circle. I need Jesus Christ, I don’t need Jesus Christ, I need him, I don’t and so one. That is completely wrong!

As I went to my psych class, I decided I would read a talk during class so I would stay awake. I needed to read it because I would receive bonus for my religion class. It is a talk by Elder David A. Bednar titled, In The Strength of The Lord. Elder Bednar says, "There is help from the Savior for the entire journey of life--from bad to good to better and to change our very nature." How am I suppose to better my life when I only let him in when 'I need him.' I need to apply His atonement in my life at all times! Elder Bednar also said, "the atonement is not just for sinners... [but] also for saints--for good men and women who are obedient and worthy and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully." When we are baptized I promised to ALWAYS remember him, not sometimes, not when I want to, not when I am going through a hard time, but ALWAYS. That means in the bad and good.

Elder Bednar goes on to talk about grace. In the bible dictionary grace is defined as this,

“The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ... It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power…”

Grace is for everyone, after we do all that we can. I know I have days when I feel like I am doing all that I can do. I cannot go on any further. But then, something happens, by the end of the day I look back and I have accomplished it all and sometime even more. How did I do it? How did I finish all that? Well I didn’t, the Savior stepped in and gave me the power to do it. Some days, I have all the strength in the world! I can get everything done. Because of this, I must be someone’s grace for that day. The Lord gave me the strength to finish something, now I must go share what I have with others. Elder Bednar then speaks about an example in the Book of Mormon. When Nephi was tied up, he prayed to the Lord, Nephi says, “…O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of  my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bond.” (1 Nephi 7:17) I love this! He asks for the Lord to give him strength, he doesn’t complain and say ‘get me out of this,’ but he takes it upon himself. Elder Bednar says, “As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (2 Nephi 2:14).” We are agents and we must act. We can’t just sit and wait for the storm to pass, the Lord does not work like that. He helps us when we act and try to make the situation better, that is when he steps in. When we know who we are, agents to the Lord, then we will not ask for our problems to be removed because we will know that the Lord can give us strength. It all comes back to knowing we are children of God, and he will never leave our side.

As I have gone through out this day, I have seen a change. Before I was so worried about what I looked like and being part of the crowd, pretty much saying to myself “don’t be weird.” Today as I forgot myself and helped others, I am way more happy. I know I am doing good. I have to keep it up and the Savior will be by my side at all times! Lose the pride and rely on the Lord because you can’t do it without him.

-love life

p.s. here is the link to Elder Bednar’s talk… it is a must read!

http://www2.byui.edu/Presentations/Transcripts/Devotionals/2002_01_08_Bednar.htm

p.s.s. I really hope this made sense in a ramble kind of way :)